So last night the wife-to-be and I are settin round eating dinner and she turns to me with a twinkle in her eyes and says:

Wife-to-be: Guess what's on tonight?

Me: What? Heroes?

Wife-to-be: Noooo. It's not one that I love but one I like to watch.

And then it hit me... like a triple shot of warm Wild Turkey... American Idol!!!

We do this each year: she wants to watch it, I feign resistance, and ultimately succumb, and not only  do I succumb but I do so for 2 f%*@$ing hours! 2 hours of Ryan Seacrest and deluded people with half the talent of K-fed- and speaking of Seacrest, when a contestant commented that he was short, he replied "I'm average"- whoa!- stop the presses- Seacrest average? Maybe in a tribe of Incans! Dude, yer like a notch above Cruise which makes you a taller than average dwarf. Seacrest? It should be Seatrough.

OK so other than being painfully obviously envious of a vertically challenged person, what's my gripe about this show you wonder.

I guess it's got more to do with me. I'm weak. I'll admit it. When crack comes on the tube, I smoke it. It's the same crack over and over again, but it's good crack. Simon Cowell is pushin it, and millions of us are buying.

Perhaps it makes me feel better about myself when the mentally challenged and aggressively co-dependent and paraded in front of us. Hah hah. Look at the tone-deaf retard. But then I ask myself this question: What's worse than being mentally challenged and aggressively co-dependent? Laughing at those who are. Hah hah.